"You haven't blogged today" moan Mr Apathy and old Enemabag. Well fuck you. I'm up to my neck in fuicking work, a situation I might add that the two of them seem to be able to avoid with all the skill of the French avoiding war. I'm fucked off with work shite, all I seem to do is get blamed for other people's fuck ups. And I'm not feeling great. And these people are a bunch of fucking amateurs.
I need to get a proper job. Maybe farming pigs would be more suited to my temperment. Or ironing cats.
A friend of mine shaves people for surgery for a living. Interesting job although the sight of a couple of dozen Greek waiters waiting for the snip scared him a bit.
Enemabag is looking bad today, seems he was out drinking again last night, these youngsters just can't take pace. Mr Apathy is being followed everywhere by a fat limping bloke who seems to be the class bully.
Last night I had dream about exploding hamsters again. Think it's a homophobia thing.

this internet thing is all very well, and let's face it what can be more refreshing that 45 unsolicited crap jokes in your inbox nestling beside a large cache of Siberian porn and faeces eating videos. But what really gets me going are the spam mails, just this morning some bloke sent a picture of a garden pond he'd crafted with the bizarre suggestion that he could do the same for me. Now call me old fashioned but a few gnomes and the odd goldfish yes, but why on earth would i infest my garden with such idiocies as Koy carp? I mean fuck off. Anyway everyone knows they're Japanese and therefore are either cameras cunningly taking pictures of the whole western world, or miniturised robots packed with nerve gas waiting for the next Pearl Harbour.

So it rains today, well all last night actually, and as usual the whole fucking country shuts down.... chaos, the african equivilent of the english "leaves on the track". Good to see beckham still playing well after his manager gave him the boot.
What is it about kids today? Who the fuck is Nelly anyway, some bandaged head dick fuck that cant sing, jesus imagine if he had to do a double bill with someone who could actually sing like George Michael? I mean he'd just be blown off stage, probably blown in the toilets too if George had his wicked little way.
And there's another thing. Why do people drag artists personal lives into their appreciation or condemnation? I mean, so Mikey Jackson likes to snuggle up to little boys at night? Does this affect his ability to squeak his way through turgid pop songs? No, lets face it, he's bad. No one picked on Boy George for being such a girl now did they? And let's face it, the more arse bandits there are plaguing god's clean earth the more hot bitches left for us real men.

Elvis used to have midnight snacks of deep fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Fat old fucker. Mind he did get to shag Prisilla and to star in all those cool 60's movies, "kissin cousins" now there's a classic. My brain is leaking today, i can feel it running down the back of my throat and forming a huge block in my stomach, rotting away like grandad's feta ridden dick.

What a great weekend of sport.... Man utd get beaten, and well beaten, England kick the shit out of the French, and South Africa lose by 9 wickets.... phew, can life get any better?
then i wake up to hear thar Sir alex has kicked beckham in the head... my word all i need now is for george bush and mugabe to get into a fist fight on the whitehouse lawn and for fashion tv to invite me to a lingerie shoot.
The twin devils that ride my back are playing up again and I sense it is time to slap the bitches down. I tire of petty politics, maybe it's time to make them less petty. My neighbours came around to complain about my dogs barking last night, again. "What do you expect?" i asked, they're fucking dogs, they bark, they don't hum beethoven's unfinished symphony in d minor now do they. Jesus if there's one thing i hate it's neighbours, and commitees. Do I complain when their snotty little fuck-head children walk around with their offensive faces and squealing lungs? Next time it's the boiling oil from the parapets for the loathsome little cunts.