and then this chick I know phones me to tell me she is lying in bed in hospital and her "waters have broken" and she'll keep me informed...urgh...evidently her boyfriend was wandering around the house moaning and saying "are you sure it's started", well he is an advertising art director so obviously too stupid to sit the right way on a toilet seat.

thursday, bloody thursday... you'd think that a day named after the god of war would be thunderous and explosive. But this one crept in under a blanket of grey and looks to be becoming stranger. The deviant wop that haunts my every waking moment is being pointless again, when will he learn that Italians are crap at politics mainly because they're as subtle as a faggot in a steam bath.
I think the wheels may come off today.
Got two e-valentine cards from girls I was at college with 20 years ago. What's that all about? Do they wanna shag? As far as I remember we did that back then when they were young and taught, why would I want to go and fuck with my past?
And then we have the England football team. Ok so Sven did play like seven new players all of whom I have condoms older than, but for god's sake, Australia? Fucking wombat fuckers....argh....

and today I'm not happy. Everyone is out to get me and keep telling me I'm paranoid, which is crap. I'm just a tad worried about the world. I mean say if the fucking americans do attack saddam in their decadely war of wonder. Who will it affect? Not me. I don't give a fuck if they kill each other. I am however, a bit tense about the fate of the spiney anteater in South America. What with the diminishing supply of ants in the southern hemisphere, (an event curiously undocumented), these poor little chaps are falling over themselves trying to find an alternate food source. I think Americans would be a good idea, only if finely minced of course, or maybe Israelies, who lets face it are mostly blowing up and leaving bloody messes everywhere anyway. They could easily be scooped up and sent in aid parcels to these devastated and noble beasts. Alternatively we could send the South African government to blunder pointlessly around and totally fuck things up, something they are very adept at and maybe we could liquidise Mr Mbeki's brain and make a very small milkshake.

pathetic

so this Jerry Springer guy, he's not very tall you know. In fact as he sat opposite me at lunch yesterday I had a definite urge to pat his quaffered bonce. Haha I laugh in the face of adversity and tweak the nose of bad fortune.
Like most Americans he seems adept at multi-tasking when it comes to food. Clutching a monster burger in his right hand and forcing handfuls of slimey chips in his left he was the ideal picture of a consumer society. Another dozen like him should scare the shite out of Saddam. While we were arguing over which of us was prick enough to ask for his autograph he tipped the waitress with a clutch of tickets to his sad TV show and shuffled his purple shell-suited body from the room.
I was going to go after him but Mr Apathy gave me a look that said "why bother", and you know, he was right for once.

urgh, today i am mostly banging my head against the wall of mediocrity. Why does that new girl look at me so oddly? And does she ever speak? It's spooky I have employed a series of odd bastards that haunt the building with glazed eyes and sullen faces. That deviant little sneak has been at my private life again, sneaking around gollum-like in my privates. I think it's time to slap the little fucker down again, a small pleasure but a pleasure to be sure.
So, the South africans have poisoned poor old Shane Tubby from Aus. Typical of their sad approach to all things sport like.

It seems that I'm under a huge hangover cloud this morning. Can't even be bothered to walk to Mr Apathy's office to insult him so I've taken to doing the much shorter walk to enimabag jones' hole to see how he's coping with his new inmate. Truthfully she is making me nervous too and I think she has already sussed that she might as well park her substantial intellect during work hours as it'll be no use whatsoever.
God damn. I feel as useful as a South African cricketer. It's all I can do to turn on my CD player. Just noticed on the phone list that one of the ugly chicks here has a birthday on valentine's day, jesus, imagine the crap you'd have hanging out with her...