They say that when you die the gods or god that you have spent your snivelling life grovelling to will welcome you and give you eternal grace sitting at his feet. Well that's just shite isn't it. What sort of rubbish is that, you wait your whole life kissing some imaginary arse only to be patronised for all eternity. Only a fool or a self deluding lunatic would believe such pathetic idiocies.

And why are people with children so smug? What, one sperm out of zillions spent on pathetic relationships over god knows how many years finally makes to the holy grail and these pricks become self-inflated walking egos, like they had something to do with it. And then, whenever someone who hasn't had the misfortune to tie himself down to one impregnated cow for life, dares to criticise the pathetic spawn of these sad bastards they are villified as if the worse thing you can do is have a go at their poisonous loutish off-spring. I hate children. There, you see I've said it, the only good child is a dead one. So come on you self righteous parental cunts, have a go.

and now those pussy whipped charlatans the so called human sheild have all headed home because they were "in danger".... er hang on, isnt that the point of a human sheild? To put yourself in danger? Fucking sad losers, cant even protest properly, just sit around fucking English parks humming terrible old Bob Dylan songs and remembering those wonderful summers when they could march against nuclear arms and impose their smelly hippy rituals on susceptible young girls in the hope that they would drop their knickers for a spliff and the chance to shag a hero of the underworld.... we shouldn't let them back into the country, fucking traitors should be sent to Baghdad strapped to a 2000lb bomb. Cunts.

there is a rumour flying around the office that "plastered" is going to don a mini skirt for the whole of friday, a rash bet with some office chicks over a pool game and there you go, instant humiliation.
I have become concerned over the plight of the Polar bear, it seems that someone has built a huge greenhouse over the polar cap and is slowly and systematically melting their homeland. Not nice, I think we should speed it up a bit with a couple of Bunker Busters...
News from the front seems cheery as more and more of our brave lads are exploding into small lumps of dog meat. I have come to suspect a small cadre of Isrealies have smuggled themselves into Iraq and are touring the countryside insinuating themselves into people's homes and spontaneously exploding over a quick lamb kebab.
I am at a loss to explain it but the colour green seems important to me today and I also have an urge gto mutter "marsupial" a little more often than usual.

once again i find myself thinking of the Welsh. A terrible band of people, large sinewy types that pursue you around the countryside taunting you with their close harmony singing and challenging you to pronounce the names of their railway stations. Nasty types, we should just let them go back underground to their mines where they belong, it was a huge error of Ms Thatchers to tempt them back into the light with promises of unemployment and clean fingernails.

WELL BUGGER... It's obvious to me now, a moment of clarity, if you want to stay alive in war, fight against the americans, if you want to get shot up the arse by an ally, fight with the Yankee bastards. Good god, everytime a British guy stands up the fuckers shoot at him, or his plane, or his helicopter.... Friendly fire my arse, I think we should start shooting back.
And while we're at it we'd better start arming the journalists, let's face it they'll probably stand a better chance of actually hitting the fucking enenmy anyway.
This Sky TV stuff is riveting, just what TV was invented for.