Rules for getting in touch if you die and have a message from the "other side".
1/. Don't pick a dumbass, or Kevin Costner.
2/. Speak English, let's face everyone does, except Kevin Costner.
3/. Don't pick some arsehead symbol like a dragonfly to make contact through, only
Kevin Costner would understand and he's such an arsehead no one would believe
him.
4/. Avoid using children as spiritual conduits, they are children and therefore liars or
midget twats.
5/. Actually just keep it to yourself, you were probably boring when you were alive
so please give it a rest.

b

So. according to Sky news this morning the most important news story in this whole glorious war torn world of ours was the continuing saga of Beck's shagging.
Afew points here, firstly if he has been knobbing about who the fuck can blame him? Secondly, it's too dull to believe this is news. Thirdly, I reckon this is just what young David needs to make him more interesting.
However I have an idea.
Why doesnt the U.N. make Davy a peace envoy? Wack him off to Iraq, he'll have those little rag-heads kicking balls around their mosques before you can say "Posh is far too skinny to shag".
Seriously though, it could be like WW1 all that football between the trenches, mind we did then get up and shoot the shite out of the Huns.
Further watching of the Food Channel has revealed this howling haradan who calls herself "the barefoot contessa". Needless to say she's a Yank. This morning she said, "What can be extravagant than caviar dip?" What the fuck is she on about? Caviar dip?
It's sunny so of course I have sunburn. I wonder if Jesus had sunblock when they nailed him to the cross? And did he get any Easter eggs? Suppose he missed out on Christmas presents too.