this internet thing is all very well, and let's face it what can be more refreshing that 45 unsolicited crap jokes in your inbox nestling beside a large cache of Siberian porn and faeces eating videos. But what really gets me going are the spam mails, just this morning some bloke sent a picture of a garden pond he'd crafted with the bizarre suggestion that he could do the same for me. Now call me old fashioned but a few gnomes and the odd goldfish yes, but why on earth would i infest my garden with such idiocies as Koy carp? I mean fuck off. Anyway everyone knows they're Japanese and therefore are either cameras cunningly taking pictures of the whole western world, or miniturised robots packed with nerve gas waiting for the next Pearl Harbour.