what is it with women anyhow? Why are they so girly? All I said was you've got quite a nice arse for such a fat chick and"bang" off she goes, her mouth moving faster than a bog door when the plague's in town. Jesus she can talk, yabber yabber yabber.
So, just for a joke, I throw my beer in her face.
This stops her for a minute, but then she's off again, ranting on about how I treat her and all the time I'm watching the beer run over her prominent breasts and imagining them rubbing in my face.
So she notices me looking and smacks me over the head with the TV remote. Now I can take a little rough and tumble as well as the next guy right, but I've just fucking fixed this remote and now she's cracked the whole thing again and the TV will be stuck Cooking channel for weeks coz I'm never gonna get the energy to get out of the chair, drag my arse right across the room to change channels manually.
So I mention this to her in my loudest voice, while digging my fork into her podgy hand. And then I tell her I'm off to the pub and will be back for dinner.
Fucking women.